狐假虎威(二) 旁白：I think everybody knows the Chinese story 狐假虎威. You know the fox cheat the tiger. When the tiger knew the truth, he felt very angry. He hated the fox very much. Can you imagine when the fox meet with the tiger again, what will happen?
One day, a new story happens.
老虎：(暴怒地，用手指指着狐狸的鼻子)You cheat me last time. Cheat me! How dare you! Now, you are dying. Ah ha ha ha!
狐狸：(背过头去，小声地)：Oh, unlucky! What shall I do?
回过头来，可怜地)：I feel very sorry for cheating you last time，but, but ,but……(左顾右盼
狐狸：(向远处努努嘴)You girl friend Linda! Look, she’s there!
老虎：(傻呼呼，左右张望，急忙放手去找)Where? Where? Linda, I love you!(狐狸乘机溜走)(l老虎望着空空如也的手) I hate fox!(气得上窜下跳
旁白：Unfortunately, after a few days, the tiger meet with the fox again.
老虎：(暴怒地)Now, you can make a choice. You want me bite you head first or your fat leg first?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, help yourself to some fox please. I hate myself, too.(狐狸捂着脸痛苦地跪下)My mother says I’m not a good boy. I always tell lies.(狐狸突然蹿起来) But, they say, tiger is a kind of strong animal. Maybe the strongest animal in the world. Before I die, can you show me how strong you are?
老虎：(得意极了，做出各种健美展示姿势)Of course. I’m a great animal. I’m proud of myself.
狐狸：(试探地)I heard there was a Chinese called 刘翔. He can cover 110 meters in 10 seconds. Can you?
老虎：(想想就好笑)Wa ha ha ha ! wa ha ha ha! Poor mankind! How slow! Wash your eyes! (老虎用手将狐狸的脑袋推开)Look!(老虎一溜烟跑了起来
狐狸：(挥挥手，远远望去)sa yu na la! (二胡配轻松得意的音乐
旁白：Now, fate plays another joke on the fox .He meet with the tiger again.
老虎：(意味深长地)Your old friend! Tiger!
狐狸：(装傻地)Oh, haven’t see you for a long time. How are you?(狐狸帮老虎整理领子，用袖子帮老虎擦衣服
老虎：(阴险地)Very very nice! Now, I see my lunch. Dilicious!(狐狸听了脚抖
狐狸：(打喷嚏)a ti ! a ti ! (煞有介事地)I admit I’v cheat you for 3 times.
But, you know, it’s all for your sake.
老虎：(疑惑地)For my sake?
狐狸：(可怜巴巴地)Yes. To tell the truth, I’m not a normal fox!
老虎：(不甘示弱地)I’m not a normal tiger, too.
狐狸：(娓娓道来) I looked it up in the dictionary, and I know, in Chinese, they call me 果子狸。
狐狸：(一拍脑袋，假装想起来)Oh, I forget, you can’t speak Chinese!
老虎：(得意地，想想就好笑地)Wa ha ha ha! Wa ha ha ha ! My mother always tell me ：to learn a forgien language is very important! I’ve learnt Chinese in school! Am I great! (突然醒悟过来)Wait, what did you say? Chinese call you what?
旁白：From then on, fox become the real King of the forest.
二胡演奏We are the champio
狐狸大摇大摆地走在前面，后面有两个小喽罗在敲背。一个小喽罗敲得重了。狐狸把手一挥。Go! Go! Go! 将其赶走。
狐狸走在台中，大笑起来：Ah ha ha ha ha! Ah ha ha ha ha!
人物：梁山伯 祝英台 马文才 英母 英父
第一场景： 祝英台依依不舍 梁山伯挥泪惜别
背景音乐 上海滩 梁山伯上场
梁：Where is my Yingtai
(此时，背景音乐 少女时代的Gee 祝英台上场 彰显笑点 英台请注意表演)
梁: Yingtai ，I love you so much and I’ll miss you so much.
祝: I love you, too! Don’t worry. BoBo, I only love you in this world. I’ll marry you as
soon as I’m back. Wait for me just for two years.
梁: I’ll kiss you across the Pacific Ocean.
祝: I’ll kiss you from the other side. Wait for me. BoBo,this time I really should be going.
(依依不舍 背景音乐响起 不见不散 两人分别逐步后退)
第二场景： 英母喜爱马文才 英父痛批贪婪心
英父：( 怒气转身) No matter what you Say, it is useless. The child's wedding could not be so hasty.
英母：but dearling ,Mawencai was so cool and so rich, There is no doubt that this is matched for marriage.And…….. (被英父打断)
英父： I told you many times, we could not decide yingtai’s wedding.
英母：darling….The Furthest Distance in The World Is not between life and death .But when I stand in front of you ,Yet you do not know he is so handsome.The furthest distance in the world is not between poor and rich,but when he stand in front of you,Yet you can not see his love to yingtai.
英父：Oh, honey,you are so konwledegable, 哼哼，give me a kiss，give me a kiss.
英母：嘘……..look,too many people…作害羞状
第三场景： 马文才志疏学浅舍重金 英父母笑纳彩礼嫁爱女
马：I love yingtai so much. I hope I can make it .
英母：oh，That was you， come in ，sit down please!
马：aunt, I love yingtai so much，you know . here are my gifts，100 bottles of 国窖1573 .
马：three Benz and a big house in the seaside and so on .I hope you will like them!
母：there is no doubt that yingtai must be yours , you are so handsome.
父： NO way ! (大怒指着马)
英父：I will ask you some questions ,listen ….
英父：Do you know who is张国荣, who is张曼玉 ,
马：I don’t know.
英父：do you know who is 科比布莱恩特, who is姚明
马：I don’t know.
英父：Do you know 黄岩岛 and 钓鱼岛 belong to China
马：I don’t know.
英父：Do you see yourself? you look like a pig who know nothing? （转向英母）You ask me to Take yingtai to marry him how I can trust him ?
英母：I have no words.
马：but aunt have accepted my 3 million dollars and gifts.
父：money ？You think money can buy everything?True love is priceless！Only 3 million dollar…. only 3 million dollar…. only 3 million dollar…. （逐渐反应过味来）OK OK You give me 3 million dollar and yingtai belongs to you 把女儿拉过来，推给马文才 （注意背景音乐 陶喆 今天你要嫁给我 ）
第四场景： 祝英台越洋提分手 梁山伯闻此怒结怨
梁: Oh, honey, I miss you so much, miss you every minute every second. Oh my dear. Are you listening to me?
祝: Listen, Liang Shanbo. I’m calling to tell you that I loved you. But I think you’d better find a better girl.
梁: What? Pardon?
祝: Because I’ll get married. My parents had taken me to marry Ma Wencai He is so handsome, just like 刘德华. So rich, even richer than比尔盖茨. And he is good at 葵花宝典。I love his money and I love his body.(此时 马文才注意表演)
梁: What are you talking about? You wait and see. I’ll give you some color see see（给你点颜色看看）.
祝：shanbo, If life deceives(欺骗) you, don't be sad, don't be impatient! believe me. everything will pass,and all these things will become a kind of memory.
梁：FUCK you, the sun of beach(脏话). I’ll kill you! I will kill you in America!
祝: America? Shit (脏话), You can come to America? Hahahaha大笑 your English is so terrible
旁：a year later,liangshanbo found zhuyingtai in American
梁: Zhu Yingtai, long time no see, do you still know that who I am. I’m here to kill you.
祝: Liang….shanbo. Oh, Wencai. He is crazy. He will kill me.祝英台拉着马文才
马: You! Get out of here.
梁: You! Get out of here! 背景音乐 儿歌 找朋友 梁马二人表演 有待商量
马：Oh,wait please,(接电话) Hello ,I am Wencai , OK ,OK , I will get there now
祝: Please don’t go. Just stay, please. He’ll kill me.
马: I know! But if I stay, he’ll kill me by the way..
祝: You told me you were good at 葵花宝典
马: Sorry, I’m not good at 葵花宝典. I’m just good at 新华字典
梁：想走…..It is not so easy （开枪）
祝: Oh, you are a big liar. Just get out of here!! (to Liang Shanbo) Oh, darling, will you kill me? 动作声音妩媚些 妩媚些眨眼睛
梁: Yes, I have to. Because I hate you more than I can say.
祝: When we were young, you said you will love me forever. Don’t kill me, ok? BOBO.
梁: No way! Wherever you go, whatever you say, I’ll kill you. I only know I was born to love you or to kill you. Now I can’t love you, the only choice is to kill you.
祝: Please believe in me, you know I love you. I love you just like老鼠爱大米. I want to marry you.
祝: Oh, of course.
梁： Once upon a time, there was a true love in front of me, I didn’t cherish it. If I was to meet her again, I wish to say I love you. If you would ask me how long I would love her, I would say ten thousand years!如果，非要在这份爱上加一个期限，我希望是……一万年！
祝：Oh, honey… 此时两人相拥 配合音乐
开场介绍： Ladies and gentlemen,let me introduct the actor. The first is zhaoyun,he is the most actor tonight.and his black brother zhangfei ,and there boss liubei .don't forgot the other side Mr cao,and his adviser JiangGan,and the most strong XiaHou Dun.At last,don't forget who behind the scenes ME----the Director.
第一幕：人物，赵云 夏侯惇 曹操 蒋干
旁白：就在刚才不久，一个黑大汉从曹操军中救出刘备之子刘阿斗，现在正向这里杀过来，他就是张飞！！！（赵云出场）Not too long ago,a black general saved the son of LiuBei ,Liu A dou.now,he is coming. His name is Zhangfei.
赵云：no！本人姓赵名云，乃常山子龙也！ no! my family name is zhao my middle name is yun and my given name is zilong ——
赵云：看！这就是主公的最后一点骨血！刘阿斗！我从火场之中把他救出，而我自己的脸却早已……唉……化作焦炭！（顾影自怜状）look! this is the last blood of the boss ! liu e dou . i took him out from the fire ,but my face hane already ...ai ——.
夏侯敦：小贼，莫跑，要不然我就大开杀戒了（冲到） Children， stop there or i will kill you
赵云：可恶！居然敢偷袭我！fuck,!! you bitch dare to attack me ??
赵云：看我九阴白骨爪！！stop!! wait!!! one two three... nine dark white bone fingers!!
夏侯敦：唔！（倒地） oh my gad i'm over
赵云：此地不宜久留，还是快去寻主公！（下）yeah—— bitch i will go to look for my boss , goodbye——
曹操：没想到我们初次出兵便杀得敌人望风而逃！真可谓出师未捷身先死。长使英雄泪满襟！ I didn't expect that we can beat the enemy with our first attack.
It reminds me of a poem, "Dead Before the Ship Even Sank. Long the hero Tearful"
蒋干：丞相，您说这话，真不见得怎么吉利。 Prime minister,It does not sound good about what you have said;
曹操：咦？这是谁扔的西瓜皮？（转身，看见倒在地上的夏侯敦）Huh? Who threw the banana rind?
曹操：是夏侯爱卿。难道他又在搞什么行为艺术？？Do not Xiahou Dun?
Is he engaged in what is called performance art?
曹操：夏侯爱卿为何要在地上装西瓜皮？？Why do you want to install banana rind on the ground?
夏侯敦：有一人脸如黑炭 手抱孩子there is a very black people witha baby in his band
蒋干：是敌人的保姆！还带个孩子！！！it Is enemy's maid with a child in his arm.
曹操：那你呢？What did you do?
夏侯敦：i i i…… i rushed to him and fight with him i'mfightting fightting fightting我 我…… 我冲上去与之打斗 打 打 打
蒋干：丞相，看来是夏侯将军杀退了敌人！ Prime minister, it is likely that general Xiahou has defeated the enemy
曹操：然后呢？ Then what happened?
夏侯敦：no no no I was defeated he used the nine cloud white bone finger ,it's so terrible
曹操：如此看来，敌人应该还没有走远。咱们乘胜追击！（慷慨状）It seems that the enemy should not go far. Let's run after them.
蒋干：有时候我真的很佩服丞相您这乐观的心理……（赞同状） Sometimes I really admires prime minister very much about your optimistic psychology ......
第二幕:人物：刘备 张飞 诸葛亮 赵云
旁白：这是的刘备一行人正在军营外观看敌情——LiuBei and his team are looking something out of his military camp.
诸葛亮：（转头）主公啊，按理说是您走先啦！（恭敬状）old liu ah,you should walk in front of us! Is not it?
刘备：不啦，军师您身后有好大块荫凉，躲在这里避避暑也不错。No，it's very cool that I stand just behind you，I can avoid summer heat
诸葛亮：（眺望状）主公，如果我所料不错，现在马上就要下雨了！liu ah,come here! I tell you a secret! I think it is about to rain!
刘备：先生神算！人所不及！不知先生如何知道将要下雨？great prediction！No one can compare with you！just wonder how do you know it's going to rain？
诸葛亮：首先，天气预报说今天有雨；其次，（以手指前方）看天，那边有一块黑云来了！First,the weather report told us it is going to rain today;second,look at the sky,so many dark clouds are coming!
张飞：哇！那就是子龙啊，想不到这一会不见子龙就换了个新桌面啊！Ha! That is person who called long ah, I could not believe that you have changd a new tabletop without a minute!
赵云：翼德救我！ help!!! brother three.
赵云：主公！云殊死力战，方保得小主人在此！只是这许久不见啼哭，怕是已经……（悲愤状，取出布包，打开并捧着） boss, i have trid my best to protect the little boss. but it have a long time to hear nothing. i am afraid...
赵云：kao！这小没良心的，居然还能睡的着！就跟他爹一样！！ oh —— shit.how can the son of bitch get in asleep.just like his father
诸葛亮：子龙，不是我说你，你嘴上就是少个把门儿的，总不能啥实话都往外说啊！？Zilong,not I tell you, although it is true,you should not say it out!
刘备：为了你这倒楣孩子，几乎损我一员大将啊！我还留着你赶什么啊，我摔死你吧！！because of you，I almost lose a brave general！Why do I keep you alive，let me kill you！！（阿斗摔下）
旁白：从今以后，阿斗的智力便出现了明显的发育迟缓……This is why liu a dou is so foolish that lost his country.
赵云：咦？怎么不见关二哥呢？ yi —— where is brothe two GuanYu?
刘备：二弟昨天为军师摆下一个八卦阵去，不过在冲出去撞马的时候闪着腰了，现在还在休养呢！：He layout the BaGuaZhen for military adviser yesterday, but when he rushed out , he get his waist twisted, now he stay in bed.
诸葛亮：哎，太糟糕了，看我，多健康，多健壮！告诉他，多喝三鹿奶粉！（自恋状）！Oh,It is so bad! Look at me,so healthy,so strong!tell him to drink more sanlu milk powder!
赵云：就给这孩子喝成这样儿了！！！（走上前，抚摸诸葛亮，做怜惜状） so you drink to be a foolish?
刘备：难道三弟又重操旧业了？咱们快去看看！Did zhangfei return to one's former career ？Go to see what happen?
第三幕： 人物 张飞 曹操 夏侯 蒋干 刘备 诸葛亮
旁白：时间拨回到三分钟之前，张飞大战长坂坡……Go back to three minutes before the time set aside，zhangfei fight with caocao's army on changbanpo
张飞：哇！火腿肠你回来拉！！ Wa!You, The hot dog, come back !
夏侯敦：我靠，又一个黑人，黑人都是很牛x的，我怕了。。。 black man come again ， Blacks are very powerful，i'm afaid
曹操：阁下是何人，何以竟有如此美妙的声音！Excuse me. May I know your name? What a wonderful voice you have!
张飞：我便是那燕（yān）人张翼德！（咬牙）I am Zhang Yide from jingdu! (clenches teeth)
You are the so called coward,aren't you?xiahou,beat it!
蒋干：丞相，这一仗咱们必输，一会还有桥断水倒流呢！快叫夏侯将军下来吧。 Prime minister, we must have lose this Campaign , the bridge will also cut off the water soon!Let's call Xiahou general to get down quickly
曹操：你怎么知道？How dou you know it?
蒋干：《真三国无双叁》，长坂的任务啊！！ "Really,it is the game's duty of Three countries Unparalleled Three"!!
I think you are too addicted to online games. What a waste of time, and It's harmful,listen to me ,You must take good care of yourself.
夏侯敦：oh my gad i am over again又被打败了 （蒋干上前将夏侯敦拖回）
Why does that coward become so brave?
张飞：曹贼听着！今日汝等必不能生过此桥！ cao ,stops talking! Today you all can't pass this bridge with a live one!
曹操：汝休得猖狂！今日要不是我手下典韦身死，许诸拉稀，于禁肺炎，李典麻疹，文聘肝癌，张辽痔疮，才不会输给你！shut up!If general dianwei was still alive,We would not be defeated!
张飞：你手下终究无人可用！啊，面对此景次请，我真想赋诗一首——Nobody may go to battle for you ,Facing this scenery,i really want to sing a song.er, on ......On ......（音乐起）only you ——only……you……
曹操：这难道就是传说中的门得尔松的c大调《鬼叫》协奏曲！何以如此震撼！（惊惶状）Why is this so shocking!
蒋干：（一手指张飞）快看！丞相！桥断了！水也开始倒流啦！！（转过身去，以手捂耳） Look, Prime minister! The bridge broke! The water also starts to flow backwards（音效：山崩地裂之声）
诸葛亮：别唱啦！再唱下去就把曹操给唱死啦！Do not sing more,ok?if you go on singing,CaoCao will die because of your song!
张飞：only you ——only……you……（余音不绝）
刘备：子龙，快把三弟扛回去。Zilong，carry zhangfei back quickly。
旁白：从此以后有一首歌传唱至今 经久不衰，叫做：only you—— since then, a song become very very famous.The name is